Monday, January 10, 2011

There's obviously nothing wrong with killing someone who deserves to be killed. Not that I would ever commit such violence. No, I do not want to go to prison. So I will continue to abide by the law.

When I was about 13 I had fantasies of shooting up Wall Intermediate School. I even had a plan to barricade the gym doors so my victims could not escape. I wanted to mow all of them down, to end them. And I wanted their families to be ruined by unremitting grief.

Such thoughts and fantasies helped me to sleep at night, but I have always had a sense that my life is too valuable to waste in prison or six feet under. So I refrained from taking violence to that extreme.

However, I would have been completely justified. Children should not be excused from cruelty only because they are children. I - at every age - have set high standards for myself. I expect others to abide by a similar set of standards. Yes, the 7th Graders I could have killed (but didn't) deserved to die. And they still deserve to die for their sins.

BUT I WILL NOT HURT THEM. BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO PRISON.

That's what separates me from the Columbine heroes. I happen to be smarter. And to think more of the future.

And to think more of myself.

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