Continued from previous blog...

Stewie and I had almost a gay relationship. Perhaps because I really was around my monstrous mom a lot I found myself acting like her. My mother was sort of a crass (in that she was racist, ignorant and barbaric in many of the things she said and did) Stepford Wife in that she was almost hypernormal (like an episode of a 1950s sitcom) until and unless she was having severe and violent manic episodes. Both states were knee-jerky. When in hypernormal mode, kids were nice - and played with rubber balls, jacks, marbles, tiddly-winks and crackerjack prizes; girls were Mary Janes from the 1950s in poodle skirts who played hopscotch and said things like "leemee alone mister, ya' crumb-bun" to potential pedophiles in ice cream trucks; and girls only wanted a real go-getter, mister - a guy with something to offer other than just a penis and charisma. They wanted a nice kid, who was not only a virginal Eagle Scout, but also a hockey player, a straight-A student and a respectful young man who ate meat loaf and said "Golly Gee Whiz!"

When she had a manic episode, however, it was hitting, yelling, screaming, crying, stomping on the floor, falling on the floor and cursing: "Ya goddamn shitting brats! I hate you! I hate you! Ya' goddamn friggin' shitheads! I HATE YOU!" Obviously the Stepford robot had some kind meltdown - I was surprised screws and springs didn't explode out of her chest. "Meltdown! Meltdown." If only I could have unplugged her.

My mother's very sheltered view of reality did not necessarily conform to the conditions of 1990s postmodern youth. At the age of 10, 11 and 12 the other kids were nihilistic savages into Sega video games, sex parties, killing animals, foul language, and Satanic Heavy Metal groups.

The boys took great joy in killing animals and this was why I started distancing myself from them. But I still liked Stewie, right? Stewie wasn't really one of them. He was SO NICE to me. And I was his little bitch, certainly the submissive one in the relationship. He was not one of them. Was he?

Again, I was no longer sure. All because of one incident.

To be continued...