I have not been depressed in a while, so I decided to stop by a Jersey Shore porn store.

Well, that did it! DEPRESSION!

The stores down here are so inferior to the ones in New York. New York has every kind of porn imaginable for dirt cheap. New Jersey has titles from the 80s for $50.

The cashiers in New York porn stores are usually indifferent Pakistanis. They consider Americans to be lowlife perverted savages, but they are happy to take our money at every turn. There's no judgement because they could care less about us either way.

The clerks in New Jersey porn stores are usually fat, lower-class white women who try to show off their "liberation" by being exceptionally crude. They are welcoming to the customers because "Hey! There is nothing wrong with buying porn! Porn is fuckin' awesome dude! It fuckin' rocks! Make yourself at fuckin' home, dude! We don't fuckin' judge here, bro. Even if you buy fuckin' gay porn, bro. Being fuckin' gay is fuckin' cool too, bro. Nothin' wrong with it." Yes, you fat, ignorant white women are just so liberated! You're just so liberated! This is what the 60s were all about: liberating fat, ugly, crude, foulmouthed, stone-ignorant, trailer-trash white women. That's what the 60s were all about! Abbie Hoffman and Timothy Leary are laughing from Hell!

Last night I went into a Jersey porn store. A fat black woman walked in with me. She said "We're racin' to the same door" to me, to show how liberated she was. She went in there and talked to the fat white girl. Apparently the fat black girl had some gifts for the fat white girl.

"Dude, this fuckin' rocks," said the fat white girl."

"I knew you'd like it honey."

"This is fuckin' awesome! I ain't gonna be goin' out with no shit like this though."

I didn't know what they were talking about, but such crude language! Such bad grammar!

Then I realized that I was having an Ignatius Reilly moment. Here I was, in a porn store, judging a piece of trailer slime for being crude and vulgar.

The fat black woman's white boyfriend came in. He was a wigger white guy in a baggy shirt and shorts. He had a shaved head and a pencil-thin Rican beard. He looked like the kind of piece of wigger fuckshit that would be hanging out at Jenks. Oh, he was so INSIPID-LOOKING!!! He probably drag-raced neon-illuminated hot rods and ate Cheetos while watching the "Fast and Furious" movies. Oh, what an insipid look he had!

I had to leave before insipidity-stoked depression overpowered me. I ran home and hid myself in books and the porn I already have.