Tom was a pussy. He was this 19 year old white kid I met when I first moved back to Jersey. He hung out at a coffee shop and played his acoustic guitar.

He dressed like Ducky from "Pretty in Pink", a lot of pork pie hats and vintage suits from thrift stores. CORNY.

To my astonishment he got laid a lot. This reinforced my opinion that there is something very wrong with most women. (Not all, but MOST.) How could they find this CORNY motherfucker attractive?

He, of course, inflamed my jealousy. I was 24 years old. I had lost my virginity at the age of 20 and then I had been tied up in a destructive relationship for four years. I was 24 years old and I had only been with one woman.

This CORNY mofo was pulling in harems of dumb little white girls.

I was TOUGHER than him. He was still a boy and I was already a man. He wasn't even shaving yet! I was capable of grounding him to bits with my bare hands, of KILLING him with my bare hands.

So why was he getting laid and not me?

Not only that, but he was white and I was black. Every time he was around my "black man's rage" flared up. I muttered under my breath: "This white motherfucker..."

One day I was drunk off a 40oz of St. Ides when the phone rang. It was Tom. I was drunk, so a bit more combative than usual.

"Hey, Will! How's it goin' bro? Hey, dude... I was wondering. I got this chick, bro. My parents are home. Could I use your place, bro."

"Yeah, sure. If you let me watch."

"What? What are you talking about, bro?" Tom was notoriously vanilla when it came to sex.

"You heard me. Either let me watch or let me fuck her if you want to bring her over here."

"Dude, you're crazy."

"What? Who the fuck you think you talking to? I'll fuck you up, boy. Little punk-ass motherfucker. Get your fucking ass over here, punk. Bring your bitch too, you motherfucker. I'll fuck her and then I'll fuck you."

"Sorry, Will. I'm going to go."

I laughed and went back to my bottle and my undeserved loneliness.