This past Saturday I spent most of the day with someone I care about very much. We were housesitting. We spent the day and night together and I even prepared barbecue. I was HAPPY. Then I started OCDing about time. That this moment will pass and one day we will all grow old and die. I want nights like last Saturday night to last forever. This is much of the reason I have studied magick and mysticism - I am looking for something that is permanent, the astral plane, a fixed, eternal Platonic world. This is a constant obsession and the reason why I cannot watch movies like "Up" (sorry for the dig and one person who reads this blog will know who I am "digging!")
Yes, time does pass and, yes, we will all die someday. But why allow OCDs about it to ruin the present, which is all that we have?
My other OCDs have to do with sex and all the other aspects of human life that make life worth living. Orgasms (much to my existential and ontological torment) are also temporary. And if they were eternal, wouldn't even I (who can jerk off ten times a day) need a break?
A lot of the sex and food-related OCDs were related to the anhedonia I experienced while in an extremely profound depression. Now that my depression is lifting I realize that I can enjoy all that I have ever enjoyed or been able to enjoy. Another great thing about my study of magick and mysticism is that I have come to realize that one can eternally experience and enjoy both the journey and the destination.
So to treat my existential and ontological OCDs to exposure therapy I have decided that I will read Schopenhauer's "The World as Will and Representation." Schopenhauer was the arch-pessimist. I will read the book cover to cover and resist all compulsions.
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