The G's (my sexy next door neighbors) are apparently fundamentalist Christians, probably Jehovah's Witnesses.

But they are hypocrites! Nearly 4 years ago Mr. G aka "the Cuck" (because I imagine him to be one in my fantasies and - what the hell - he probably is one) refused to loan me his lawnmower. Well, then don't complain if my lawn looks a bit shaggy.

If he was TRULY a follower of Jesus Christ, he would have given me a hug and said: "My brother, my brother in Christ. I will live by the words of my Savior and love you as I love myself. Of course you may borrow my lawnmower. What is a lawncare appliance in God's world? The love we share in Christ is so much more important. Borrow my lawnmower! Borrow it anytime. Store not treasures upon this earth where rust and moth doth corrupt!"

This is how EVERY Christian should be. Why? Because it doesn't matter what one believes as long as one's belief is AUTHENTIC!

If Mr. G cannot be 100% Christian than he should be 100% Satanic.

In that case he should say: "Forget about the lawnmower. Mow it when you get a chance. I do not have to deny kindness to you, but I can if I so choose. Why not experience the pleasures of the flesh with my wife and I? Oh, to see your dirty phallus plunge into my wifes Venusian loins! May I be the cuck? Whatever gives one pleasure should be freely indulged. I want to watch. Can I place my face close to your penis to see the atrocity? Please! Please! Please! Hail Satan!"

Be either one or the other 100%.