Recently, someone (I won't mention any names) compared me to a sloth.

"What kind of animal do you think I would be?" I asked.

"A sloth!" she said.

A sloth? Do most people even know what a sloth is? They are arboreal creature of Central and South America and, well, they are not quite like any other creature on earth. Just like me.

"A sloth? What other creature would you compare me to?"

"A bat. You're kind of bat-like."

A bat? You can't compare me to a creature commonly thought of as noble, like a lion, a bear, a wolf, a seal or even a bird?

"Geez! What are you going to call me next, an eel?"

"Well, you are kind of slimy."

"Gee, thanks!"

Maybe I can be some kind of chimera, a cross between a sloth, a bat and an eel. Maybe you can find me somewhere in some Medieval bestiary (though at that time sloths were not known to Europeans.)

So, here I am, at the age of 29. After so many years of thinking of myself as Mr. Cool, Mr. Rebel, Mr. Rockstar I have been reduced to a Sleebat (Sloth-Eel-Bat.) Gee, Sleebat sounds kind of like an Indian name - hint, hint. Well, it doesn't really sound South Asian, but only foreign I guess.

I'm going to own my Sleebatness. I'm taking it back. Every single one of those creatures has some attribute.

Sloths know how to relax and take it easy. They're not tainted with the frantic, manic bourgeois obsession and compulsion to consume, consume, consume. They just want to eat their leaves and be left alone - just like me. And for the most part they are left alone - just like me. As far as I know they are not even poached. The vulgar have no use for them - just as they have no use for me.

Eels are creepy enough to glide through nice, icy mountain water mostly undisturbed. Sometimes they end up in sushi rolls, but those are probably only Japanese eels. Besides, like eels, I enjoy biting into young female asses.

Bats are dark, mysterious creatures of the night - just like me. They are closely associated with vampires and can anything be more glamorous and romantic than a vampire? Not only that, but vampires are trendy right now - I've finally become trendy.

So I will own my Sleebatness!

I'm taking it back!