Beyonce

I, of course, don't care for pop culture stars in general, but Beyonce never did it for me. No offense to black people, but there is something too "Southern-Fried" about her. I find her greasy. I am certain her pussy tastes like pigs feet. She probably would never allow a man to eat her pussy: "Un-unh! I ain't in to that freaky shit!" Why are too many chocolate-colored people so damn VANILLA when it comes to sex? They have the equipment and they're good using it, but that's it.

During good missionary, Beyonce probably calls the pathetically untalented Jay-Z all sorts of Southern pet names: "Come on, watermelon! Come on, collard green! Take that pussy, ham hock! Come on, cornbread!"

So this sexually conservative "Southern-Friedness" is why I am one of the few white males to have never had Jungle Fever for Beyonce. Not only that but her music is irritating.

She has perfected the "broken record" style. Each one of her songs sounds like a broken record, but none are as irritating and repetitive as the "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it". That song is not only irritating and repetitive but it is unimaginative: "If he liked it then he should have put a ring on it"? What if he just wanted to fuck you and forget about you, cunt? The lyrics SHOULD be: "If he liked it then we should now engage in bisexual orgies with friends, neighbors, and co-workers." That's a better lyric.

Beyonce should reinvent herself. The first thing she should do is get a tattoo on her forehead that says "Eat-Sleep-Fuck-Kill". Then she should imitate the stage antics of notorious punk rocker G.G. Allin. Imagine a naked Beyonce mutilating herself on stage with a rusty razorblade before shitting in her hands and throwing it at her audience. G.G. Allin used to do stuff like that all the time. He was also more talented than Beyonce, so perhaps she should cover some of his songs, such as: "I Wanna Rape You", "I Wanna Piss on You", "I Wanna Shit on You", "I Wanna Kill You", "I Hate People", "Eat Fuck and Die" and his most famous song: "Scumfuck".

Beyonce would be doing herself a favor by covering any of those songs. Each one is better and less repetitive than "If he liked it than he should have put a ring on it."

Just imagine a nude, mutilated Beyonce cursing, spitting, bleeding, fighting, fucking, and shitting on stage - just like G.G. Allin.

Now I would pay money to see that.