X: The Blog

I've been reading "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" because sometimes I like to pretend I am in college. I'm almost halfway through it. It's not Kant, Hegel, Nietzsche, or Heidegger. Malcolm X has a very shallow intellect at best.

I'm actually reading it because I was a huge fan of "X: The Movie". I've always contended that Spike Lee is a genius (and, yes, he is - I'm a huge Spike fan). This is confirmed by "X". Spike Lee managed to make it look like Malcolm had actually had a rough life!!!

In reality Malcolm X had known only a very, very charmed life. From the moment he was born he was spoiled with love, affection, attention, kindness, and caring from family and friends. He was spoiled with love and kindness from friends and strangers both black and white. In the 7th Grade he was on the honor roll and he was elected class president in an all-white school. And he was more sexually precocious at 13 than I was at 19!

At the age of 16 he moved in with his wealthy older sister in Boston. Though his sister was happy to financially support him indefinitely he found a job at a dance hall and soon found himself in a cool, reefer-smoking jazz crowd of cool hepcats. He hung out with hepcats all day and all night and dated the most beautiful white woman in Boston. Rough life for a 16 year old, huh?

Now let's look at what I was doing at 16: At 16 I was completely impotent from Prozac. I was sleeping 16 hours a day. I had trouble feeling the slightest emotion of any kind.

At the age of 17 Malcolm X was living in Harlem, hanging out with the greatest jazz musicians to have ever lived and sleeping with literally hundreds of the most beautiful white and black women in New York City.

Let's look at what I was doing at 17: At 17 years of age I was still a stone virgin. I was in the midst of a very severe Prozac-induced depression. I had very few friends and I spent my days and nights weeping for a girl who had left me for a black guy, though I probably would have been sexually superior to this black guy. My skin worked against me.

Malcolm X's wild life, of course, did lead to a prison term (I'm not up to that point in the book yet) but if you want to stay out of prison stick to one simple rule of thumb: DON'T BREAK THE LAW! He could have worked as a humble porter and still have bedded half the women in Harlem.

After prison Malcolm X became a spokesman for the supposedly disadvantaged. Malcolm X's only disadvantage was that everything had come to him way too easily. So easily that he didn't appreciate it. Everything that matters - women, family, friends, nightlife - had come to him without effort on his part. I, on the other hand, had to work hard and fight for everything I have ever had.

White people were better to X than they have ever been to me.

The only reason Malcolm X hated white people was because he was a bully by nature (some people are just born that way) and like most bullies he enjoyed picking on the weak and disadvantaged, which is why he picked on white people.

My envy of him would be enormous if he had not been a total ingrate and sold out true religion (sex, drugs, and Rock N' Roll) for a false religion like Islam.

In a way he was like St. Augustine or St. Augustine Jr. (St Augustine Jr. is this guy I once met, this penis-headed douchefuck ex-football player and porn star who had found Crust - I mean Christ.) To me people like him and Malcolm X are nothing more than simple ingrates to Satan.

But at the same time Malcolm X's religion and activism was probably a con, a con he ran even on himself to keep himself from fucking up again. Yes, he was a con and if there is one thing I have learned from the streets it is this: Once a con, always a con.