Summer is finally here and, well, lately I have been so much happier. I've thrown everything and the kitchen sink at my depression and it seems to be working. Now I must remained disciplined. No smokes, drugs, alcohol. I must eat good, healthy, natural food and exercise every single day. I must masturbate at least four times a day (since my depression has lifted I can once again easily do 6 or 7 times a day, every day of the week.) I'm still not 100%, but at least now there is hope that I will someday soon be 100%.
Often, at night, I feel so deliriously happy that I panic when I think about death. I mean, what more do I need? My weekend begins on Monday. I'll stay up late (but not too late - I don't want to stand up the aliens), drink Gingko Biloba tea (which should be classified as a psychotropic drug - it brings me back to the best emotional states I have ever known), and watch my double-VHS tapes of midwestern tornado footage. Sometimes I'll watch "Rambo", "Point Break", "Mannequin", or some other great film from the 80s/early 90s.
It feels great to be comfortable in my own skin and the only thorn in my happiness is that I will have to one day die. I try to push it out and tell myself "Well, not for a long time" but I just can't shake the thought.
On a hot, summer night, cool Air-Conditioning cooling my jog-induced sunburn I am so happy that I want to live forever.
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