Am I an artist or am I a loser. All I have to do is submit to art, the way some people submit to the will of a false Christ. Once I submit to art, everything will work itself out.

There is good ego and bad ego. Bad ego is "What will they think?" Good ego is "I know and love myself so I don't care what they think."

Still, sometimes it is hard tolerating disrespect. I'm better than the people who disrespect me. I'm a prophet, a messiah next to them. Yes, sometimes people treat me like a bum, a loser, a parasite, a nobody, a non-person.

But then I have to think of the people who see through society's blinders and who love and respect me because they know that I am blindingly brilliant. To these people I'm grateful.

I must resist the urge to punish the people who treat me with less respect than I deserve.

I deserve more because more is what I always wanted. I never had to resist more because more was never offered to me. I never wanted to waste myself on normalcy, so why was I deprived.

These blogs have become whining sessions on how deprived I've been. On how even some of the most oppressed have had it better than me. Sometimes I cringe when I think that some people I really admire have seen me writing with the voice of a bitter loser.

I just need to be published again. That's all that really matters.

All that matters is that I am published again.