Pondering Resentment and Revenge

1.

Heidegger was right: It takes at least a good ten years to fully understand Nietzsche.

Today I will focus on Nietzsche's concept of Resentment and Revenge. For me, my own Resentment and Revenge has turned my life into an Obsessive-Compulsive living Hell. In this case Resentment and Revenge (R&R) is not what you may first think.

2.

Of course, I do suffer from the popular concept of R&R as well.

For example today I was reading Metro New York. Some yuppie douchebag wrote a 500-word column on the cartoon labels on wine bottles. Being itself has been neglected for so long and the human race is in such a bad way that I can barely refer to them as even human anymore and some pussywhipped yuppie prickface wants to take up the space that is RIGHTFULLY MINE with stories of wine and cheese (and not even good ones at that.)

When I read such worthless, meaningless drivel I feel what most people would consider to be a feeling of R&R, the bitterness over a past grievance and the wishing of revenge upon those who have served me a gross injustice.

But my feelings toward the latte-sipping yuppie wimps who have trashed MY newspaper (spiritually I own it) is just the first and the most densely obvious shade of R&R, the first stop on the express train to purely metaphysical and outright ontological R&R.

3.

Yesterday I was blissfully happy (being with a certain person helped.) I was so happy that I was miserable over not being able to stop or at least slow time. I watched Clint Eastwood's "Grand Torino" and I was sublimely happy and despairingly miserable at the same time. I wished I could have watched a 24-hour version of "Grand Torino" (though that time too would have eventually passed away.) Or maybe I would have liked to have split myself into many selves and one of my selves could watch "Grand Torino" for eternity.

I've come to hate the forward march of time, but what can I do to stop it? Yes, Nietzsche was right. Metaphysical R&R is pure disgust too, but it seems impossible not to have such disgust because reality is just structured a certain way.

4.

Is it possible that once you're as wise as Nietzsche it's impossible to do anything but Will into the future?

5.

The worst Revenge is keeping a scorecard. I think storing up treasures in the "Jouissance Warehouse" may be a product of consumer conditioning. I, personally, am prepared to put a label and a price-tag on everyone and everything. This is why I react so violently by being such an anti-consumer. And - Godammit - I want to get PAID for being an anti-consumer.

6.

See, I have been frozen in concrete. I need to "loosen up". Because I'm so tight it has been difficult for me to feel anything. Pleasure now is too often the feeling of being drained of raw sewage. Or of having my ear drained of a pus-oozing infection. Painful and "oh-so-delicious" at the same time. I have to be attached without focusing on being attached.