A rotten, woozy, nauseating stench of alcohol, incense, marijuana, and human bodies that have never once known soap, deodorant, or even toilet paper hovered over Madison Square Garden like a fart from the Almighty. Yes, the Grateful Dead were in town. Their loyal followers - "Deadheads" - were stinking up the corridors of my beloved city. I sometimes smell bad too, but geniuses are allowed to smell bad.
Hordes of whiteboys with dreadlocks; portly hippie Care Bears, soft and puffy; grungy, grimy, bummy-looking New Jersey contractors who like reds, vitamin C and Corona. Stumblebum Alert! Stumblebum Alert! Men who look like Jesus Christ, shirtless and everything, dressed in rags; bike trash, truck trash, road trash, trailer trash, white trash. Garbage, Garbage, Garbage, Trash, Trash, Trash. Clean 'em out with a broom! Kill 'em all - let God sort 'em out! Die hippie scum! Creepy longhairs! (Not that, many of these work-a-day stumblebums are real hippies!)
It is amusing to watch them fraternize with one another and introduce scum to mutual scum. A greasy hippie chick introduced herself to a tall, thin man with a beard: "Hi, I'm Hippie Sunshine Suckfuck! What's your name?"
"I'm Lowlife James."
"Pleased to meet you, Lowlife James. Have you met my friend White Trash Crystal? She was born in the back of a Greyhound bus. Her mother used to burn her with Newports if she borrowed the bong without asking."
"Nice to meet you, White Trash Crystal."
"Dude, let's go to Seattle," whined White Trash Crystal.
"Oh, Lowlife James, have you also met Dirtbag Magee, Scumbag Scully, Piece O' Shit Lozinski, Garbage Motherfuckersuckertrucker Mancini, Postmodern Prozac-Tupping Thompson, Fat-Lazy Biker Boyle, and Jerry Garcia Jerking-Off Jim? These are all my friends."
On the train back to Jersey a couple of other deadheads talked:
"So, how's the plumbing business, bro?"
"Good bro! I got this fuckin' Honduran guy working for me. I'm tellin' ya man! Those guys can work their fuckin' asses off, bro!"
"Yeah man... Those guys can fuckin' work!"
"Yeah bro! Work and don't complain a bit, bro!"
"Yeah, bro..."
"Yo, I need a cigarette, bro..."
"Yeah man... They should just let ya' smoke on the train, bro!"
"Yeah bro... That's fuckin' bullshit bro! Ain't no more rights and freedoms in this country no more, bro!"
"Yeah, it's fucked-up bro!"
Ayn Rand would call you collectivists. Ayn Rand would call you collectivists. Ayn Rand would call you collectivists.
And I hate Ayn Rand!
The "yeah man"s and "yeah bro"s killed all of my brain cells.
Laws were made for these people. They are the idiot-morons who need coercion to stay in line!
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