As a writer (as an artist, as a human being, as a dasein) I have become lazy and sloppy.

When I was 23 years old I at least had my finger on the pulse of the world - and I felt old and washed-up THEN! Now I really feel old and even the people who seemed so much younger than me back then are old too (or at least older.) Has our time come and gone? Has our time passed? Are we passe? I've fallen out of touch with the latest in consumer and media chatter since 2004. As a matter of fact, I've fallen out of touch with everything.

I'm trying to become who I once was. Not to be cliche, but I am standing at the very edge of the darkness and I am afraid of once again being sucked into the black hole of almost complete depression and despair. I feel like dope is leaving my body, 24 hours a day. I feel like all of my small but significant gains are hanging by the thinnest thread. I have the most tenuous, precarious hold on an actual feeling here, a moment of well-being there - and I don't want to lose it.

I'm going to a writer's group tomorrow. Maybe they can help keep me on point.