Saturday, April 18, 2009

EqualityCocaineFuckShit3000

      "Yo, let's get to-getha and consume tonight, ai'ight?" the 18 year old black boy said to the 19 year old white girl.
      "Oh, yeah dawg! I want to consume tonight too! Let's consume!"
      Racial harmony. Everyone still wants to pick on the KKK and the Aryan Nation, but let's face it - the ignorance of racist whites is as out of style as pet rocks, literary fiction, good sex, and authentic existence. To pick on a white racist would be like picking on the lone guy who still believes that the earth is flat or that global warming isn't happening. Racism is over. People today are now EQUALLY mediocre. Race is no longer a factor in social interactions. We are united in MEDIOCRITY! Nazis suck!
      "Yo dawg, I only exist to consume," said blonde white girl.
      "Damn sis, me too."
      The black kid was named Drone2000. The blonde girl was named BlondeWorthless901. Both were students at Brookdale Community College. They were soon joined by their Korean friend No-Personality Magee.
      "Yo, what's happenin' No-Personality Magee?"
      "Hey Drone2000. Did you just say 'what's happenin'? Don't you know that slang like that is from the 1970s and we're not supposed to know about anything that happened before last month? Knowing about history is gay."
      "Yo, I apologize dawg."
      Their Hispanic friend HotRodRacerHickSpicwithNoHistory joined them. 
      "Yo dawg, let's drink Fuckshit3000Cocaine Energy Drink, dawg, and watch wrestling and talk about cars and talk about hot babes and eat cheetos and smoke blunts and watch the 'Fuck and Furious' movies dawg."
      "Sounds good to me," said BlondeWorthless90l, "Let's be as worthless as possible."
      Then they were joined by their friend ProvincialHardWorker111. ProvincialHardworker111 was studying radiology at Brookdale.
      "Hey, would you guys like to go out to Jenks and get wasted?"
      "Hell yeah!" they said in unison.
      Then they were joined by Unimaginativeandcooltothekidsolderguyguidokindalikeablebutonlytotheherd2009. The only difference between the young kids and Unimaginativeandcooltothekidsolderguyguidokindalikeablebutonlytotheherd2009 and the younger kids was that Unimaginativeandcooltothekidsolderguyguidokindalikeablebutonlytotheherd2009 was that Unimaginativeandcooltothekidsolderguyguidokindalikeablebutonlytotheherd2009 said "dawg" with a touch of irony.
      "Hey everyone," said Unimaginativeandcooltothekidsolderguyguidokindalikeablebutonlytotheherd2009.
      "Hey Unimaginativeandcooltothekidsolderguyguidokindalikeablebutonlytotheherd2009! What's up, dawg?"
      "Nothing much! I just heard God is coming back to earth to claim the living and the dead! Other than that nothing else is new!"
      "Oh, really? God is coming back, dawg?"
      "Yeah, son. Do you know who God is? God is that corn-rowed guy 'Riff-Raff' from the MTV show 'From G's to Gents'. Well, anyway, it turns out that God has really good taste in gold chains and diamond-studded grills. Riff-Raff is actually God and he's coming down to earth to judge the living and the dead, dawg. You know how they say the meek shall inherit the earth, dawg? Well, it's true dawg... Artists and other strong personalities who care about living and creating and building great civilizations will be sent to a hell of loneliness while we get to all you know, Herd together for eternity dawg. You know that movie 'Idiocracy' was a biblical prophecy, dawg? As a matter of fact, the creator of this fictional world in which we live (which seems like reality, dawg) - Will Johnson - feels like he's ripping off 'Idiocracy' right now, dawg. But that's cool, dawg. Because he's giving us what we want, g. An eternal playa's club, an eternal thug mansion of brand names and mediocrity. Shit dawg, the whole world will be like the wigger scene of suburban St. Louis, dawg."
      "I'm ready to go..." said BlondeWorthless901.
      "Let's go find God aka Riff-Raff."
      They skipped down the Brookdale walking paths.
      "We're off to see the Wizard, the Riff-Raff Wizard of Mediocrity! We're off to see the Wizard, the Riff-Raff Wizard of Mediocrity!"

No comments:

Post a Comment