My First Grade Christmas present was a box of Construx.
Construx were Legos fro children with brains. The materials were plastic nuts, bolts and beams with pieces of siding that fit in the right spot like a piece to a jigsaw puzzle.
My first project was a robot that I could hopefully program to kill people. I started on him Christmas morning.
My next projects were various tanks, planes, m0bile fortresses and missiles to do my dirty work. I must have built quite a few monstrosities from those cheap plastic parts.
A workshop of the imagination. I'm still the same, but now my toys are blogs and social networking sites.
On Christmas Day 1987 (oh, I was such a cute 7 year old tyke) the spaceship I was building in the backyard out of spare building materials sat neglected. It was warm inside and I needed a killer robot to accompany me on any outer space voyages.
However, Shrill did make an appearance. Shrill was a bat-like humanoid creature from outer space with an insatiable appetite for rape and murder.
Shrill's m/o was to wait for an attractive young lady to take a hot bath in an upstairs bathroom. Once she was naked and in the tub he would chase her out onto the roof.
Because it was winter and the roof was frozen her wet nipples would get stuck to the roof and she would be stuck there like a fly on flypaper. Shrill would then rape and behead her in front of her entire family before flying back to outer space with her head as a souveneir. Her family would be left to clean up the headless mess.
I told this story to my Uncle Charlie at the family Christmas gathering that night and he found the story hilarious.
My mother was not so amused. When I was a kid I was often asked the same question: "What the hell is wrong with you?"
She cried that night and as soon as Christmas break was over she called the school and requested that I no longer sit next to Eric Hartz who was considered, and probably rightly so, to be a bad influence.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment