I do feel like I have wasted too much time on self-pity. All that is exists only in my mind. No, I'm not a true solipsist. Other sentient beings exist, but they only exist for me because I exist to perceive them. So I'm re-tweaking my brain. The anger and the hurt I keep for myself. I can let them go. Read one of Austin Osman Spare's automatic writings:

http://hermetic.com/spare/anathema.html

This is how I feel. I feel the visceral white-hot anger at the Herd. They make the world a sadder place. Everyone should just fuck everyone until the world explodes in a giant orgasm. But they want to restrict. The cast of "Jersey Shore" are not representative of the ID. They are rather the Super Ego. They put all sorts of arbitrary moral codes over their desires. Really, they should fuck men, women, old, young, handicapped and so on. To only like one kind of girl or one kind of guy is placing limits on love, desire and pleasure.

And why not do it all. Why not be a promiscuous party animal and a physicist? And then why doesn't the promiscuous party animal and physicist make love to all rather than just a few?