Bad news! My tomatoes are not growing fast enough. I do not know if I will yield a crop by Halloween!

The answer: I'm going to use my own feces as fertilizer.

Not only are human feces a great fertilizer, but I want Mrs. G to SMELL my feces. It will turn me on knowing that she is smelling my turds.

So, as of this Monday, I will be fertilizing my tomatoes the old-fashioned way.