Bavarian Christmas Scene

Night thoughts. Lately I've been plagued by insomnia. I twitch. I fidget. I sigh. I sigh deeply. I sigh obsessively and compulsively. Last night I sighed so much that I must have inhaled ten pounds of dust into my lungs. Now my lungs hurt like I've smoked three packs. All I want is to be TIRED every night at the right time, the coziest time. They say Nabokov was a chronic insomniac, so at least I'm in good company and at least I can get a lot of reading done. My ignorant ass read "Tristan und Isolde" last night and my ignorant ass was like: "Wow, this is like a Wagner opera!"

Last night I had a writer's group meeting. They all liked my piece. My work was compared to "A Clockwork Orange", the violence, cynicism and nihilism. But see the droogs were not victims, but victimizers. My "character" (who is really just myself) was victimized by people like the droogs. So, that's how my character is NOT like them.

My character (me) what do I want?

What I want is a Bavarian Christmas scene - a warm, happy loving family around a table full of meats and sweets. Snow on the ground outside. Warmth around family and hearth. Maybe a special young lady. Love. Tradition.

Perhaps I was too sheltered. I've come to realize that the world is not just a horrible place now. It has always been rough. Life has always been hard for everyone.

Maybe I really did grow up on too many 80s movies.

And too many European fairytales.