Thursday, September 24, 2009

Erotic Irony, part 1 of 1 Trillion

When I was "normal" (around 1999/2000) I used to eat a Wendy's triple bacon cheeseburger every day of the week. Three beef patties, bacon and cheese on a bun (now I sound like the commercial.) Oh, it was so good. I used to eat Biggie fries, the triple cheeseburger, and then a chocolate frosty. Oh, it was so good. And I would eat this - or a variant of it - seven days a week. I was 19 years old and healthy as a horse. On top of this I smoked Marlboro Red 100s morning, noon, and night and I drank myself into a stupor every Friday night.

Seldom have I been happier or healthier. I had a macho, redneck, meat and potatoes attitude toward everything. I hated fags who used words like "kitschy" or "Kafkaesque".

Now look at me! I have to force myself to drink fruit smoothies and eat hummus with crackers just to avoid dying of self-starvation. Christ Almighty!

If I were to be honest with myself I would say that I do want to start eating burgers again - but the risk of Mad Cow disease is too great. I need a major success in my writing career before I can eat beef again - so I can die from Mad Cow disease as a success!

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